Various Artists:

There! Right There! Songtext

There! Right There!
Look at that tan, well tended skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.

I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.
This guy's not gay, I say not gay.

That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to assume
That a man who wears perfume
Is automatically radically fey?

But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.

Look at his silk translucent socks.

There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seeing.

What are we seeing?

Is he gay?

Of course he's gay.

Or European?

Ohhhhhh.
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or European?

Well, hey don't look at me.

You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.

In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They will say things like "ciao bella"
While they kiss you on both cheeks.

Oh please.

Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.

Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.

Is he gay or European?
Or

There! Right There!
Look at that condescending smirk.
Seen it on every guy at work.
That is a metro hetero jerk.
That guy's not gay, I say no way.

That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to presume
That a hottie in that costume

Is automatically-radically

Ironically chronically

Certainly pertin'tly

Genetically medically

GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY
DAMNIT!

Gay or European?

So stylish and relaxed.

Is he gay or European?

I think his chest is waxed.

But they bring their boys up different there.
It's culturally diverse.
It's not a fashion curse.

If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code.

Yet his accent is hypnotic
But his shoes are pointy toed.

Huh.
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.

But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday.

Is he gay or European?
Gay or european?
Gay or Euro-

Wait a minute!
Give me a chance to crack this guy.
I have an idea I'd like to try.

The floor is yours.

So Mr. Argitacos...
This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for...?

2 years.

And your first name again is...?

Mikos.

And your boyfriend's name is...?

Carlos.
I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend.
I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend.

You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it.
I no cover for you, no more!
Peoples.
I have a big announcement.
This man is Gay and European!
And neither is disgrace
You've got to stop your being
A completely closet case.
No matter what he say.
I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.
You are so gay.
You big parfait!
You flaming one man cabaret.

I'm straight!

You were not yesterday.
So if I may, I'm proud to say,
He's gay!

And European!

He's gay!

And European!

He's gay!

And European and Gay!

Fine okay I'm gay!

Hooray!

Mikos and Carlos:
Fine. Okay. We're gay!