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When I Was a Little Girl Songtext

This afternoon, doctor, I heard you say
I'm healthy and cured, I can go my way
But doctor dear, before I go
There's one thing more you ought to know

When I was a little girl
My sister was prettier
So I strangled sister
She's not prettier now

When I was a little girl
My brother was wittier
So I smothered brother
Guess, who's wittier now?

Once I went rowing with my cousin Biff
Out on a lake in a flatbottom skiff
I can row better than you said "biffed!"
Now Biff is stiff

My teacher in grammar school
Once flunked me in history
We met on the stairway
She's historical now

When I was a little girl
My aunty was critical
I toyed with her teabag
Unc's a widower now

Once I went climbing with my cousin John
High on a cliff roaming hither and yon
"I can climb higher than you can," said John
Oops, poor John is gone

And that's my confessional
My psychic anatomy
And now that I've told you
My brain is awhirl
You've got all the evidences
That someday may shatter me
So I have to do again
What I kept doing when I was a little girl...
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