Well I'm your local MP
So don't be afraid to ask
Cos nothing is too much trouble for me
And no job's too great a task
Any problems you want solved
I'm the man to see
Here read my manifesto
It tells you everything about me
(well nearly)
So tie me up and call me names
And beat me 'til I cry
Just don't leave any visible scars
Cos I'm on TV tonight
I've got to chair a mass debate
On that filth pornography
So if you've got the clamps I'll wear me rubber pants
And I'll be round yours about 3
So vote for me and I'll stand by you
I'll back you up in whatever you do
Support your campaigns, however strange
As long as I've got time for the whips and chain
Naughty naughty
Naughty naughty
Well here's one of me in the House of Lords
With my wife and family
A loyal MP and husband
True family man - that's me
But who told you about the sex and drugs
Just how the hell do you know
My personal life is my affair
And the same goes for my big toe - know what I mean?
This pin-stripe suit and bowler hat
Hides my secret shame
I just can't get enough of little kids
Or drugs and sex with pain
Now my secret's been revealed
I feel such a fool
I was only helping to run the country
How could you be so cruel